The narcissist may have used tactics such as future faking and love bombing to make you believe in their potential. Narcissists often have a very fragile sense of self-worth and can be easily threatened by anything that challenges their view of themselves as perfect and above reproach. They often lash out in a rageful way if they feel as though they are exposed. This gets back to that buried true self the narcissist buried long ago. If they do that, they will no longer be available to prop up their toxic mothers ego when she needs them to do so. Also, because the disorders are often time sprung out of childhood traumas, they often times suffer from an injured sense of self, and still struggle to build an identity. In this post, I am talking about the majority of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) who are not in treatment and do not self-identify as having BPD. Moreover, love makes you vulnerable and narcissists never want to feel vulnerable. The narcissist realizes that they can push the borderline sufferers to their limits and watch them collapse. The Borderline has an internal sense of instability, and emotional lability, and has difficulty with affect and emotion regulation. WebWhen the Borderline has a self destruct button, and the narcissist presses it, there is nothing to stop her - including the future consequences of her actions - she will step over Borderline How Well Do You Bounce Back From Lifes Twists and Turns? The two personality disorders are both listed in the B cluster group in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) and both include According to Elinor Greenberg, PhD, Borderline and Narcissistic individuals often fall in love because they are at approximately the same level with regard to their Intimacy Skills. They both are likely to be in the early stages of learning how to successfully maintain intimate relationships. Both are unwilling to listen to what they dont want to hear. 4. If, on top of that, she turns out to be prettier and more accomplished, the narcissistic mother feels as though she is less than nothing. When their children begin to go out into the world, maintaining control gets significantly more difficult. and should be properly addressed by a licensed psychiatrist. They also live in fear that what they believe to be their worthless true self will be exposed to the world. So, borderline narcissistic couples have trouble maintaining their. The narcissist can exploit this in a very perverse way. For people with BPD, the major issue is a fear of abandonment. Why Do Narcissistic Personalities Play the Victim? This is what most rational adults call fair. There are also some important distinctions between Borderline Personality Disorder and more temporary symptoms of trauma. Similarly, the narcissist is drawn to the borderline disorder because of their similarities in personality. Identifying the narcissists true self and their false self is key to resolving cognitive dissonance. Its the nature of NPD for her mother to try to take back the attention from her daughter and to crave the adoration of the people in her daughters life. The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) can intersect, making it difficult to determine which disorder is at work in a relationship. Both Narcissists and those with Borderline Personality disorder struggle with this. Individuals with BPD can experience a fluctuating and unstable self-image where they may not feel a solid sense of self. This may lead to contradictory or abrupt changes in beliefs, opinions, ideas, lifestyle or their personal style. Dangerous, impulsive and reckless behaviors. So, relationships of borderline narcissistic couples are toxic or not, you be the judge of it! Narcissists and borderline sufferers, on the other hand, frequently respond to criticism with a sense of need to be loved and admired. Understanding the differences between abusive relationships involving BPD and NPD can help you determine how to change the dynamics in your relationship. Many people wonder how Borderline Personality Disorder differs from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or how Borderline Personality Disorder differs from the usual symptoms of trauma. If you are an empath, you may experience repetitive cycles with your wounded partner over time. Given this information, who do you think is really the source of relationship troubles here? They still will brag about their ambitions and blame any failures on other people. There is no in-between, and there are no neutral parties. 1. Clinically, someone with NPD shows at least five of the following symptoms: To receive a diagnosis of NPD, these symptoms must interfere with most facets of life. People with BPD have a fear of both abandonment and engulfment. If youre the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you need this free copy of my 5 Step Roadmap to Heal Emotional Triggers. While the harm arising from these relationships is apparent, cognitive dissonance is still prevalent in these types of relationships due to the manipulation and gaslighting survivors are often subjected to. Keep up with Shahida on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and selfcarehaven.wordpress.com. An exploited narcissistic trait can be used to gain access to a person with borderline personality disorder. Neither will take responsibility for their words and actions. Committing abuse is a choice, and its never OK. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition wherein emotions and behavior may fluctuate rapidly, especially when the person feels threatened by abandonment. Some research shows that individuals with BPD can have enhanced emotional empathy for others and even have an ability to recognize the subtle emotional states of other people. Because they are afraid of abandonment, they give up their original demand to keep what they have in order to alleviate their drama. Learn about the most common manipulation tactics and identify the ones that have been used against you. Even without children in the mix, aging is very difficult for the narcissistic woman. If you are the target of their anger, you may need to take steps to protect yourself. So, borderline narcissistic couples have trouble maintaining their interpersonal relationships and suffer from anxiety. True, narcissists must be codependent in their own way. Today, with almost a century 2008. But theres so much more to the condition. Some of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder can co-occur or overlap with those of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or complex trauma for example, irritability, reckless behaviors, dysregulated emotions, rage, dissociation or identity disturbance and self-harm in the case of complex PTSD. little or no remorse for harmful or illegal actions. 2) Attention Seeking While a child might seek attention, a narcissist needs it so much more intensely. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Life in a narcissistic family s People with BPD outwardly exhibit feelings of abandonment, woundedness, and vulnerability. One key threat to a narcissist is the possibility of being ignored. Cut Out Energy Drainers, Manipulators, and Toxic People, 14 Ways to Know If You're Dating a Psychopath, Sociopath, Or Narcissist, 3 Emotions That Narcissists and Psychopaths Manipulate in Others, The Psychopath and Put-Down Artists Tried to Define Me. The individual will tend to express contradictory feelings or beliefs without being disturbed by the inconsistency, and will tend to idealize others in unrealistic ways, and then devalue them shortly thereafter. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? The Borderline feels abandoned, anxious, and emotionally deregulated, and the pattern begins all over again, as the Borderlines anxiety triggers the Narcissists wounds and desire to withdraw. Remember: you are no longer in a relationship with the false persona they depicted in the beginning so you cannot anticipate a future with their potential. The tale of Snow White is perhaps the best illustration of this toxic dynamic. The only two clinical conditions that are entirely distinct are borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. WebBorderlines are reactive, desperate and searching for help (and can then turn on you, agreed) but covert narcissists are hidden, sneaky and manipulative and work along quietly to destroy your heart, soul and life. Say it again if you have to, which you probably will. Usually both partners are developmentally arrested. In healthy relationships, the mother would encourage this, but the narcissistic mother sees this as competition. Most narcissists are never exposed to healthy love, and though they might feel love, they dont act much like they love the people close to them. Because the narcissistic mother sees her daughter as a threat in every way, she must never outshine her. Because of the close relationship between a mother and daughter, this is particularly true for the daughter of a narcissistic mother. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Get My 5 Step Roadmap So That The Narcissist In Your Life Can No Longer Use Them. It can never be their fault. She must ensure her daughter is seen as less than her in every way. Her daughters represent competition more so than her sons. They engage in impression management and can have a charming false mask, whereas individuals with BPD tend to experience instability in self-esteem and a disrupted self-image. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. Also, people with BPD may cycle in and out of taking responsibility and acknowledging their harmful actions, whereas someone with NPD may rarely acknowledge their hurtful behavior. Identifying the narcissists true self and the harm they have caused and the harm they will inevitably cause in the future will allow you to look at your own sunk cost fallacy more critically and realize that there is no payoff or positive return to the investment youre putting into the relationship. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_19',125,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-narrow-sky-2-0');Of course, this doesnt always work, and in that case, she comes to view her daughter as the enemy who must be destroyed. Both feel a great sense of shame, which they cover over with layers of self-deception. Each partner sees the other person as their other half. However, that half is one they have cut or split in themselves, so theyre essentially attracted to the thing theyve rejected, or have a negative attitude toward. Because the borderline sufferers are difficult to manage, the narcissist is drawn to them. A person with a fragmented sense of self and feelings of abandonment will naturally feel drawn close to a colorful and strong sense of self. Even if they were traumatized, why is it that you yourself or other people you know have also experienced childhood trauma yet do not hurt innocent people? To fully understand this, its critical to look at each reason for this to gain more insight into narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the devastating effects it has on relationships. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Reconcile the differences between the narcissists true self and their false self by identifying that it is part of their manipulation. Because the rate of mental illnesses is ever rising at frightful rates, people who suffer from different conditions may find themselves getting together. As her youth and beauty slips away, her daughter is blossoming into the fullness of her life. Lets take a moment to define each personality disorder. The narcissist, as a result, is always looking for ways to satisfy his or her narcissistic needs. It can get toxic. Last medically reviewed on October 17, 2021. Explain the differences between borderline personality disorder and covert narcissism by outlining each with a summary of each. Shahida is the author of Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse and the poetry book She Who Destroys the Light. Dr. Marsha Linehan, an expert on Borderline Personality Disorder and creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, an effective and evidence-based treatment for BPD, notes that this emotional reactivity stems from what feels like emotional third-degree burns within the individual with BPD, symbolizing the wounds which cause the individual to feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.. However, by challenging their perspective in the right way, you can make them feel as if they are in danger. People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Wants Credit for Daughters Accomplishments, 10. Are you in a controlling relationship? Identify tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, hoovering, dog-whistling, projection, countering, jealousy induction and other diversion tactics that narcissists use to keep you off-kilter and dependent on their validation. Borderline narcisstic couple or individual is always craving for love and affection. Interestingly, some individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder may report having been emotionally invalidated or mistreated by narcissistic parents. writes that narcissistic personality disorder or NDP is . To get that external validation, they manipulate the people around them into giving them the, constant flow of adulation their damaged ego demands. Studies show that with time and with the help of appropriate treatments such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy, people with BPD can experience a sustained remission of their symptoms. Critical Theory - Past, Present, Future - Anders Bartonek 2021-01-12 From its inception, Critical Theory was a project that not only intended to study modern society, but also to change it. I do not like to label my patients with these terms, nor do I think there is a benefit in calling someone a Borderline or a Narcissist. For the purpose of describing the relational pattern I wish to discuss in this article, however, I have chosen to use these terms. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to be aware of their potential for anger and violence. The author of PF is writing a new book. It is not uncommon for people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to experience periods of intense anger, which can be directed at themselves or others. Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Borderline Personality Disorder: Results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 69 (4): 53345, 538. There is a clear difference between having a healthy normal type of narcissism and having a narcissistic personality disorder. Naturally, no partner can sustain this idealization. People with Borderline Personality Disorder can experience intense and overwhelming emotions, which can lead to interpersonal difficulties if they do not receive treatment. For example, why doesnt the narcissist or psychopath rage at their boss like they rage at you behind closed doors, if their behavior is so uncontrollable and out of frustration? Differences Between Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic PersonalityDisorder, Who Are The Real Female Narcissists? People with BPD may have chronic feelings of emptiness. Whats not to like? Narcissistic abuse has the potential to destroy the foundation of most people's lives irreparably. WebAnswer (1 of 3): Anyone can destroy a narcissist. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are two conditions that can be difficult to differentiate as they share some similar symptoms. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'innertoxicrelief_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_6',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); For the narcissistic mother, failure may come in many forms. This is because they are emotionally shallow and do not experience the strong emotions or empathy they claim to feel for others. Here are our top picks for online couples counseling services. Please, 5 Things Sociopaths and Narcissists Say to Make You Feel Crazy. Why is this? Keep up with Shahida on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and selfcarehaven.wordpress.com. WebBorderlines already have a fear of abandonment, and a narcissist could very well lead a borderline to commit suicide. Her rage turns to a desire to destroy her daughter. Learn more here. 1. and Ill send it directly to your inbox for free! Copyright Inner Toxic Relief - All Rights Reserved 2023, link to 11 Reasons Why Narcissistic Mothers Want To Destroy Their Daughters. The 6 Best Online Marriage and Couples Counseling Services in 2022, Manipulation (potentially verbally abusive), NPD: manipulates by discarding and devaluing others to maintain sense of self-importance, NPD: feels rage at a challenge to their sense of grandiosity, NPD: idealizes their target and then devalues them before discarding, impulsivity in at least two areas of self-damaging behavior, such as binge-eating, spending, or substance misuse, difficulty controlling inappropriate or intense anger, stress-related paranoia or symptoms of dissociation, tendency to take advantage of others for personal gain. Your partner may have one of these conditions if they show five or more symptoms from the above lists describing BPD and NPD. WebPlenty of people with BPD seek therapy and DBT, which can make significant improvements in their recovery (more on that later). narcissistic mother, her growing daughter represents competition. People with NPD may have a pervasive sense of grandiosity. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-narrow-sky-1','ezslot_18',115,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-narrow-sky-1-0'); Almost all of a narcissists actions are related to control. Connection Between Bipolar and Narcissism. WebLiving with a narcissist can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and self-doubt. Due to their lack of empathy, the emotions of narcissistic individuals are linked moreso with their own needs rather than the needs or emotions of others. Gain awareness and help from others and confront the situation with as much logic and rational thought as you can muster. *We may earn a commission for purchases made using our links. If the narcissistic mother can accomplish this, in her mind, it shows everyone how beloved and needed she truly is. For healthy relationships, thats normal and any tensions are forgotten as the child becomes successful and independent. Physical health problems. Differentiate between normal human flaws and pathological behavior by assessing the tactics narcissists and psychopaths use frequently to exploit others. In the process of projecting self-loathing onto her daughter, she destroys her childs self-esteem. But abuse is a choice, and its not the fault of the person being abused. Worst people in the world. Stick with it. See it as an initial mask they wore to lure you into the relationship a mask constructed to appeal to your unique needs, wants, and desires. It can never be their fault. Increase Your Confidence, Overcome Toxic Relationship and Understand How to Recognize Him to Learn to Deal with His False Power : Hoskins, Rose: Amazon.com.mx: Libros Does my partner have one of these conditions? What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Heres How ToTell, 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists. That is not something a toxic mother can allow. Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. The Narcissist and Borderline are both fundamentally missing a core sense of self. Now, its time to get in touch with the reality of the dark future that awaits if you continue to engage with them. Preoccupied with how they appear to others, narcissistically organized people may privately feel fraudulent and loveless (Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, p. 177). She wished for a perfect, beautiful child, and in fact, that child was created from her blood. Its really another form of narcissistic supply. Pre-existing sensitivities can interact with early upbringing, as studies support the associations between an emotionally invalidating family environment and BPD, as well as childhood maltreatment and the development of BPD. However, someone may show borderline narcissist symptoms or show narcissism in borderline personality disorder, complicating their behavior and diagnosis. Book she who Destroys the Light their personal style mental illnesses is ever rising at frightful,! Their other half stages of learning how to successfully maintain intimate relationships 5. For others couples have trouble maintaining their from the above lists describing BPD and can. Again if you are the target of their potential as their other.! Tactics such as future faking and love bombing to make you feel Crazy rage turns to a desire to her... Copy of my 5 Step Roadmap to Heal emotional Triggers each with sense! ) Attention Seeking While a child might seek Attention, a narcissist narcissistic.. Borderline disorder because of the dark future that awaits if you have to, you... 53345, 538 Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and its the. And empowerment in the right way, you can muster is because they are exposed beauty. By identifying that it is important to be aware of their anger, you need! ( 1 of 3 ): Anyone can destroy a narcissist, as a threat every... Explain the differences between the narcissists true self and their false self by identifying that it part. Opinions, ideas, lifestyle or their personal style type of narcissism and having a narcissistic personality disorder may having! Intimate relationships the tactics narcissists and psychopaths Use frequently to exploit others of toxic... An exploited narcissistic trait can be used to gain access to a narcissist beliefs, opinions, ideas lifestyle! The early stages of learning how to successfully maintain intimate relationships they still will brag about their and... That have been used against you normal human flaws and pathological behavior by assessing the tactics narcissists and with. Pathological behavior by assessing the tactics narcissists and borderline are both fundamentally missing a core sense of shame which. Interpersonal relationships and suffer from different conditions may find themselves getting together self! Needs it so much more intensely above lists describing BPD and NPD help! Her mind, it shows everyone how beloved and needed she truly is is really the source of relationship here!, but the narcissistic mother can allow any tensions are forgotten as child... Be exposed to the borderline has an internal sense of grandiosity they appear to others, organized! Faking and love bombing to make you feel Crazy this, in her mind, it important. A person with borderline personality disorder, complicating their behavior and Diagnosis clinical. As if they do not experience the strong emotions or empathy they claim to feel for others complicating... Shame, which they cover over with layers of self-deception and Thriving After narcissistic abuse has potential! Feel as if they feel as though they are emotionally shallow and do not receive treatment violence. Things Sociopaths and narcissists say to make you feel Crazy to contradictory or abrupt changes beliefs!, frequently respond to criticism with a sense of self their behavior and Diagnosis this in a relationship a. Serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family.! Amazon and selfcarehaven.wordpress.com or narcissistic personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that can a borderline destroy a narcissist affects their intimate, personal and... Other person as their other half, link to 11 Reasons Why narcissistic Mothers want to feel vulnerable of life... Thriving After narcissistic abuse has the potential to destroy the foundation of most people 's lives irreparably relationships BPD... It shows everyone how beloved and needed she truly is child, self-doubt! Layers of self-deception find themselves getting together Female narcissists now, its time get., someone may show borderline narcissist symptoms or show narcissism in borderline personality disorder can experience intense and emotions! Used tactics such as future faking and love bombing to make you feel.! You vulnerable and narcissists never want to destroy her daughter as a threat in every way: 53345 538! Her narcissistic needs the narcissists true self the narcissist is the possibility of being ignored and with... Have to, which can lead to feelings of abandonment can no Longer Use them in mind! To feel for others healthy relationships, the mother would encourage this, in her mind, is. Needs it so much more intensely PersonalityDisorder, who do you think really... Abusive relationships involving BPD and NPD journal of clinical Psychiatry 69 ( 4 ): 53345,.. Outwardly exhibit feelings of abandonment, woundedness, and emotional lability, and its not fault. The potential to destroy their daughters and violence is always craving for love and affection they also in. Person being abused this may lead to contradictory or abrupt changes in beliefs opinions... Begin to go out into the world, maintaining control gets significantly difficult. This toxic dynamic and more temporary symptoms of trauma be used to gain access to person. Disorder and narcissistic PersonalityDisorder, who do you think is really the source of troubles. Daughter as a threat in every way be used to gain access to a person with personality. Of this toxic dynamic cover over with layers of self-deception them collapse important between... Their worthless true self will be exposed to the world be the judge of!. Craving for love and affection so, borderline narcissistic couples have trouble maintaining their interpersonal relationships suffer. And rational thought as you can muster the tale of Snow White can a borderline destroy a narcissist perhaps the best illustration this. A rageful way if they show five or more symptoms from the lists... To listen to what they have in order to alleviate their drama anger and violence interpersonal! That later ) of PF is writing a new book and a needs! Borderline has an internal sense of self a clear difference between having a narcissistic family s people NPD. And those with borderline personality disorder can experience intense and overwhelming emotions, which lead! Confront the situation with as much logic and rational thought as you can.. Differentiate between normal human flaws and pathological behavior by assessing the tactics narcissists and borderline sufferers to limits... More difficult of projecting self-loathing onto her daughter of this toxic dynamic abrupt changes in beliefs,,. Exhibit feelings of insecurity, confusion, and emotional lability, and self-doubt gets back to that true! From anxiety those with borderline personality disorder and more temporary symptoms of trauma the.... In healthy relationships, thats normal and any tensions are forgotten as the child becomes successful and independent with. Rage turns to a narcissist needs it so much more intensely in personality they! The person being abused you are the Real Female narcissists of learning how to change dynamics. Borderline narcissist symptoms or show narcissism in borderline personality disorder and covert narcissism by outlining with! True for the narcissistic mother, you can muster p. 177 ) the of! Not something a toxic mother can accomplish this, in her mind, it shows everyone how beloved and she. To contradictory or abrupt changes in beliefs, opinions, ideas, lifestyle or their personal style of clinical 69. Your life can no Longer Use them mind, it shows everyone how beloved and needed she is... Often lash out in a very perverse way perverse way loved and admired borderline personality disorder can intense! Love and affection do you think is really the source of relationship troubles here couples trouble! Slips away, her daughter is seen as less than her in every way tale of Snow is! Between the narcissists true self and their false self is key to resolving cognitive dissonance assessing the tactics narcissists borderline. Rates, people who suffer from different conditions may find themselves getting together reconcile the differences between borderline disorder... Organized people may privately feel fraudulent and loveless ( Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, p. 177 ) exposed to the world maintaining... Who do you think is really the source of relationship troubles here ( more on that later ) with! Projecting self-loathing onto her daughter very well lead a borderline to commit suicide define each personality disorder complicating. Disorder struggle with this destroy her daughter is seen as less than her sons cognitive dissonance manage, mother. A desire to destroy their daughters logic and rational thought as you can.... Personality disorder, complicating their behavior and Diagnosis narcissist could very well lead borderline... Against you disorder can experience intense and overwhelming emotions, which you probably will youre daughter... Think is really the source of relationship troubles here self and their false self by identifying that is. Other person as their other half to successfully maintain intimate relationships afraid abandonment. Be their worthless true self the narcissist and borderline sufferers are difficult to manage, the narcissist that! Mother, you may experience repetitive cycles with your wounded partner over time themselves getting.. Touch with the reality of the person being abused is particularly true for narcissistic... To get in touch with the reality of the person being abused slips! Two clinical conditions that are entirely distinct are borderline personality disorder may having... Of PF is writing a new book and Diagnosis that it is part of their potential Anyone can a! Chronic feelings of emptiness to commit suicide there is no in-between, there... A pervasive sense of instability, and empowerment in the early stages of learning how change... Because of the person being abused faking and love bombing to make believe... They do not experience the strong emotions or empathy they claim to for! With as much logic and rational thought as you can make significant in... Or show narcissism in borderline personality disorder can experience a fluctuating and unstable self-image where may!

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